Math Jokes:
Have a Math Laugh!
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Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i) 2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].
Mathematicians never die - they only loose some of their functions.
Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?
A: Prime Rib!
"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again..."
"My life is all arithmetic", the young businesswoman explains. "I try to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying..."
"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems" -- P. Erdos
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. (Charles R Darwin)
A tragedy of mathematics is a beautiful conjecture ruined by an ugly fact.
Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for the young, not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state. (Plato)
Q: What will a logician choose: a half of an egg or eternal bliss in the afterlife?
A: A half of an egg! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and a half of an egg is better than nothing.
- I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
- Isaac Newton's birthday.
- I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
- I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
- I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
- I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
- I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
- I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
- I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee.
- I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
- I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.
A math professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
Q:What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples?
A:Answer: A senior high school math problem.
"What's one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one?" "I don't know," said Alice. "I lost count." "She can't do addition," said the Red Queen." -- Lewis Carroll
"The elegance of a theorem is directly proportional to the number of ideas you can see in it and inversely proportional to the effort it take to see them." -- George Polya
2 is not equal to 3 - not even for very large values of 2.
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"
Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...
Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life?"
The professor gently smiles at him and says: "Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald's!"
Q: Do you already know the latest stats joke?
A: Probably...
We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” (Albert Einstein)
If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is. ~John Louis von Neumann
Can you do Division? Divide a loaf by a knife - what's the answer to that? ~Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass
One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?". Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished.
Biologists think they are biochemists,
Biochemists think they are Physical Chemists,
Physical Chemists think they are Physicists,
Physicists think they are Gods,
And God thinks he is a Mathematician.
A mathematician organizes a lottery in which the prize is an infinite amount of money. When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that..."
"Divide fourteen sugar cubes into three cups of coffee so that each cup has an odd number of sugar cubes in it." "That's easy: one, one, and twelve." "But twelve isn't odd!" "Twelve is an odd number of cubes to put in a cup of coffee..."
How do you prove in three steps that a sheet of paper is a lazy dog?
1. A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane.
2. An inclined plane is a slope up.
3. A slow pup is a lazy dog.
This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks).
((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0
A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.
A graduate student from Trinity
Computed the cube of infinity;
But it gave him the fidgets
To write down all those digits,
So he dropped math and took up divinity.
Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt!